This week, Tim and I will be celebrating a decade of marriage. Time flies. At the same time, it feels a bit like I have lived with him my whole life.
We met less than four months prior to getting married (that’s a story in itself). Consequently, as newlyweds, we were actually still new to each other. Our first years together were certainly filled with excitement.
But, there were plenty of serious discussions. We adapted to each other, dealt with culture differences, learnt our partner’s limits and adjusted our lives:
- Tim masters a mess; I thrive in organized spaces.
- Tim chills effortlessly; I often struggle to relax.
- Tim loves to watch movies late at night; I am an early bird.
- Tim loves his coffee; I am more of a tea person.
With all of these little differences (and many more), we have adopted three key techniques to make our daily life together work:
1. Talk, talk and talk, until there are no more bad feelings.
One of Tim’s strong qualities is his insistence on “talking it over” when we are confronted with issues. He pushes me to discuss points of disagreement until we are able to gain perspective and clear the air. He truly embraces the “never go to bed angry” philosophy. Sometimes, I just want to be mad at him for days, but he doesn’t let me. Thank goodness!
2. Don’t be afraid to share your deepest dreams and don’t always expect approval. Just keep sharing.
I am not afraid to tell Tim what I want. I share all of my crazy dreams (I tend to wake up with a new one almost every day). He doesn’t always support my ideas, but he listens attentively and offers his true opinion. Being able to express all of the big and little things that fill my heart (without being judged) is so important to me. And I am grateful he is there to listen.
3. Laugh together everyday, and let it go.
Last, but not least: we make fun of each other. The two of us constantly joke around as a reminder to not take ourselves too seriously. We cannot control everything. Sometimes I drink coffee; some nights we enjoy a cup of tea together. When his stuff is scattered across the house, he tells me, “This weekend I am going to tidy it all up!” And now, I crave the slow mornings. I look forward to our movie nights. And I yearn for endless conversations about anything and everything.
Our ten years of marriage have been fun, light-hearted, jumbled and sweet. We are looking forward to many mundane moments, milestones and celebrations that will probably be messy and memorable. Healthy relationships are a work in progress…
I would love to hear your secret for a happy and healthy relationship?
some dreams are worth sharing…
mariane
photo by: Juliana De Albuquerque
